while spending a cuddly afternoon with my oldest, i said to her…
lucy. did you know i love you? and that you are so special because you made me a mommy?
here i thought… what a fulfilling thing to say. i know she loves words of affirmation and feeling special, so this just seemed like the perfect thing to help my five year old feel like top dog. i smiled from ear to ear with that #momwin.
no mommy, God mad you a mommy.
and embarrassment. i was just outsmarted and out-theologized by a five year old.
God made me a mommy. and God made me in his image [Genesis 1:27]. God did not take twenty-six year old maggie who said she “didn’t want kids” and just change her. from the moment i was created He knew my heart and how full it was for motherhood.
when i started coaching camps at the age of sixteen, He knew my patience for teaching.
and when i yearned to major in psychology and education, He knew how fired up i was to constantly learn about human development and shaping.
and that time i held my friend’s newborn baby for the first time and it felt kind of… natural. yea… He knew then too.
my heart didn’t change. my mind wasn’t transformed. it was always in me. we just have so many norms, pressures, influences, and ideas from our earthly world that inhibit us from always being able to discern all that we were made for. there were so many goals to create, benchmarks to achieve, and comforts to hold on to… it was so easy to be distracted from a greater joy and a greater life.
i am thankful to be a mother and to be filled with love for my littles. but moreso i am grateful that i am doing something i was made to do.